


Happily Ever After

by tonysangels



Series: Happily Ever After [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, steve rogers is an idiot in all universes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-06-25 11:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15639651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonysangels/pseuds/tonysangels
Summary: Is there really such a thing as living happily ever after?





	1. Chapter 1

The sun isn’t even up yet, but she’s awake. Her alarm isn’t supposed to be going off for another forty five minutes, but she’s nervous. It’ll be a waste to try getting back to sleep, so she fixes herself a cup of coffee.

As she heads to the kitchen, her phone rings. She smiles upon seeing the caller ID.

"Only you would call me so early in the morning, Rogers.”

“And only you would answer after two rings. You never sleep when you’re nervous.”

She sighs. “I know, Steve.”

“You have no reason to be nervous,” Steve says gently, “you got the job, Tony Stark already likes you.”

“It doesn’t mean that I’m not nervous,” she replies, “it doesn’t mean that this will be my first actual job after all those terrible temp jobs I’ve been doing for the last two years. This is my real big break, Steve, and I can’t screw it up.”

“You’re going to be fine. You’re amazing, and everyone is going to love you like I do.”

Her heart skips a beat, but she forces the words out of her mind. “Yeah, whatever, Rogers. I’ll see you Stark Tower.”

“Hey, listen, I meant when I said. You’re going to be great, you always have been.”

And  _God_ , her heart stops when he says that. She shouldn’t read into his words, it’s just a fucking phone call at five thirty in the morning, and Steve is being nice.

“Still there?” His voice is soft, and she’s melting. She’s so weak for him, she’s wrapped around his goddamn finger.

She finally finds her voice. “Yeah! I, uh…I need to get ready. I’ll see you at the tower, I guess.”

“Get ready quick, please. I want to get coffee before we go in. I’ll give you a real pep talk that way you’ll knock everyone dead by the time you walk into the office.

She laughs. "You’re so lame. See you soon, Rogers.”

The call ends, and she’s smiling like an  _idiot_. He always knew how to make everything better again, even when it was far too early for most people in Chicago to be awake.

That’s the way Steve was; he was always going out of his way just to be nice to her. No one else would call before the sun was even out to calm her nerves. No one would even think that she would be so nervous like that.

No one except for Steve. He’s an angel.

She’s probably biased because they’ve been friends since they were in diapers, but she likes to think it’s true. Steve was always her knight in shining armor, the boy who always came to her rescue, the shoulder she’d cry on whenever she needed it. He was more than just a best friend; he was her other half.

But they were just friends.

It’s totally, completely, 100% fine because they’re  _just friends._

It’s fine to be in love with your best friend, right?

~

Steve’s already waiting at the Starbucks down the street from the tower. He can’t control his smile when he finally sees her, and he wraps her in a hug.

“You look like such a grown up in business clothing.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“You look wonderful.”

And there it is  _again_. She used to be so annoyed at the girls who fell at his feet while they were growing up, but now here she is, cheeks burning in a damned Starbucks.

“You made me get ready in a hurry, so you’re paying for coffee to make up for my trauma.”

He laughs, looping his arm with hers as they stand in line. “Anything for you.”

She smiles along with him, trying to steady her heartbeat. “I’m taking you up on that. I need espresso and  _lots_ of it.”

~

After being properly caffeinated, the duo finally arrive at the world renowned Stark Tower. She’s shaking a little, the result of the espresso and anxiety. He takes her hand and squeezes.

“Will you relax? It’s going to be fine, you know that.”

“No,  _you_ know that. I, however, might burst into flames when I say hello to fucking  _Tony Stark_.”

It turns out that she doesn’t burst into flames. It’s a great day at work, and she’s ecstatic to see that her desk isn’t very fair from Steve’s.

Despite the amount of work Tony has given her, she manages to impress the esteemed engineer and immediately falls into his good graces. Soon after she returns from Tony’s laboratory, small paper airplane lands in her cubicle, and Steve’s familiar scrawl brings a smile to her face.

_You’re doing great! I told you Tony would like you._

There’s a smiley face next to the messy handwriting, and she’s ducking behind the walls of the cubicle now, hiding the stupid smile on her face so he doesn’t see.

So, yeah. It’s a pretty good day at work.

It’s pretty good until they’re getting ready to go home, and Steve stops at the receptionist’s desk, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. The girl sitting at the desk is about their age, very clearly beautiful. She smiles at the girl, trying to remember name—Shirley? Shannon?

“I wanted you to meet my girlfriend, Sharon,” Steve says with a wide smile on his face. “Sharon, this is my friend Y/N.”

Girlfriend.  _Girlfriend._

And her? Oh, don’t mind her, she’s just a  _friend._ Friend. How can she be mad at the word friend? It’s just a word, it’s so damn simple but it’s sharp in her chest.

The knife in her heart is twisting as she sees Steve’s smile while he’s looking at her. “Nice to meet you, Sharon.”

Sharon smiles in return, and she wants to hate her. But it’s so hard with Steve looking at her like she put the stars in the sky, and that’s just it, isn’t it? Steve is happy and still her best friend, so why does it matter that he’s in love with someone else?

“Anyways, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kisses her cheek, and somehow, it’s weird now. He always kissed her cheek when bidding her goodbye; that’s what they always did.

But it feels different. It’s fleeting, but there’s a look of irritation in Sharon’s face when Steve kisses her cheek.

She smiles. “See you tomorrow, guys.”

She’s trying to be happy for him, she’s biting the inside of her cheek so hard she knows it’s probably bleeding, but it’s so fucking miserable, watching him walk hand in hand with someone else.

It’s still and quiet at the office; she’s the last to go home. Even though it was the first day, there’s enough work to keep her here for couple hours. She’s digging into the piles of folders on her desk when she sees Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.

They don’t notice her at first, they can only look at each other. She’s surprised to see how enamored Tony is while he’s walking out with Pepper. She never knew that they were even together. Still, the look of affection only reminds her of Steve and well…that isn’t a fond memory.

Pepper is first to leave the building, and finally Tony’s eyes fall on her. “Y/N? Still here?”

She nods. “Oh, yeah…I got swamped with stuff. Being the new kid isn’t easy, but I don’t mind the work.”

Tony smiles. “You’re gonna be a great fit here, kid. Don’t mean to sound like a sappy old man, but I mean it.”

Without another word, Tony leaves the building, trailing close behind Pepper. Both of their faces seem to light up upon seeing the other, much to Y/N’s dismay. It’s horribly clingy and almost childish, but she can only think of Steve. 

Her knight in shining armor isn’t hers anymore. 

It’s stupid, but she really thought it would be the beginning of  _their story._ After all the damn pining, she’d be the one walking out with him, fingers intertwined with his. She’d be the one going back to his apartment, curling up on his couch and falling asleep with him. She’d be the one in Steve’s arms.

So much for the beginning of their happily ever after.


	2. Chapter 2

Another day at the office and she has to force herself to say hello to Sharon without strangling her. It’s so goddamn catty, to feel herself disliking the poor girl, but she can’t help it. She tries not to gag when Steve presses his lips to Sharon’s before sitting at his desk. 

All irritation seems to melt away when Steve’s eyes finally fall on her.

“Hey, you never texted me last night. Did you get home okay?”

It only takes two seconds and one charming grin for her to instantly forget how bitter and heartbroken she is. Part of her wants to kick herself for being so hopelessly in love with him.

“I was fine. I had to stay late,” she explains, forcing a smile. “Got buried in paper work. It’s nothing, really.”

“It’s  _not_ nothing. You live alone in the city, someone’s gotta make sure you end up home safe.”

Her chest is tight, and she’s trying not to be pissed because he’s so sweet, looking at her in genuine concern. However, the image of Steve and Sharon leaving after work flashes in her mind and snaps her out of her trance.

_It could have been us going home together yesterday night, but it wasn’t. You don’t have to check up on me._

“It’s fine, Steve. You don’t have to babysit me.” 

Steve raises his eyebrows, surprised by the edge in her tone. “Hey, I’m just watching out for you.”

And there’s just enough hurt in his voice and a broken puppy look in his eyes that makes her wish the earth could swallow her up whole. “I’m sorry, I just…I’m okay, I promise. You never have to worry about me.”

A smile returns to his face, and  _fuck_ , she is so enamored, it’s pathetic.

Tony and Pepper arrive on the floor at the same time, and all the employees seem to hush as they pass by. She stands up right away, following Tony to his office and briefing him on the files she was given the night before.

The man is a little distracted as they stand together in the office. She clears her throat and finally catches Tony’s attention.

“Mr. Stark?”

“Yes?”

“The files about the new energy reactors…did you want me to send them to the labs, or…?”

“Oh, right. I, uh…I’ll need to check with Ms. Potts with that stuff. But um…do you think you could swing by her office and ask?”

“I could always call her in here, bring in the other department heads so you can all talk about it, if you want.” 

Tony immediately shakes his head. “There’s no need, Pepper—Ms. Potts needs to see the information before you send them to the labs. Bring them to her office, I’ll see you in the laboratory this afternoon.”

She’s surprised to see Tony flushing pink now, but she doesn’t say anything more. “Okay, Mr. Stark, see you later.”

When she returns to her cubicle, she clicks her pen against the wall. “Psst. Steve.”

The blonde peeks his head over the cubicle and grins. “Yeah?”

“What’s the deal with Tony and Pepper?”

He smirks. “They dated a little while ago, but it didn’t last. We were all surprised, there was a running bet about when they’d get married and everything. People are saying Tony’s still in love with her, but it’s hard to tell.”

“It’s not hard to tell.”

“Why do you say that?”

She shrugs. “I stayed late last night, and Pepper left first while Tony said goodbye. Right after that, he was chasing after her. And now this morning, I offered a meeting with him and Pepper together for their new designs, but he said no to that right away. It sounds like he wants to talk to her, but he can’t.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s still in love with her.”

“Steve, it’s so obvious! It kinda breaks my heart,” she says with a sigh. “You never know, maybe they’re still meant to be.”

Steve scoffs. “Meant to be?”

“I think certain people are meant to be together.” She scowls upon seeing Steve’s goofy expression. “Ugh, this is why I can never tell you anything sincere like this.”

“You know I love you, but all that meant to be, soul mates thing—” 

“Oh please, you don’t love me.” The words fly out of her mouth so quickly, she barely has time to realize why Steve looks upset. The blonde says nothing more, brows furrowed together as he makes his way to Tony’s office.

Fuck.

~

Steve gently knocks on Tony’s door. The man smiles and welcomes him inside,

“Hey, kid, come on in.” 

Steve sets more files on his desk. “How’s the new girl been treating you?”

Tony smirks. “Only you would come in here to ask me about your almost-girlfriend.”

Blush spreads like wildfire across Steve’s face. He’s stuttering now, and Tony laughs, shaking his head.

“You’ve been working for me ever since you graduated from college,” Tony begins, “you’ve been talking about her way before you ever  suggested she came to work here. I know you, Rogers.”

“I was just asking how she’s been.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Steve. It’s only been a day, and you sit right across each other in the office. Why are you here?”

“I was here giving you back the files!” 

Tony chuckles, clapping a hand on the young man’s shoulder. “Whatever happened to her being the one? The love of your life, the girl next door who you fell in love with—”

“Tony!”

“Steve!”

The blonde pouts, huffing as he sits in Tony’s chair. “I don’t know if she was the one, but it doesn’t matter.”

“It mattered for at least two years now.” Tony nudges him a little. “I’m sure this ridiculous pining has been going on for longer. What changed your mind?”

“It doesn’t matter what  _I_ think because she’ll never see me that way, alright? Drop it.”

Tony stares on in silence. “Shit, kid, okay.”

“I’m sorry. I just…got this weird vibe from her today? She seemed upset with me, but I barely said anything.” Steve sighs, chuckling a little. “We were talking about you, actually.”

“Oh really?”

“She was saying something about you and Pepper,” Steve explains, a smile growing on his face now. “I told her about you guys dating a while back. She said it was a little sad that you were so  _clearly_ in love with her.”

“Rogers!”

“Hey, that’s all that happened!” Steve holds his hands up in surrender. “She brought it up! She’s been here for a day and already noticed it. So, is it true?”

Tony groans. “It’s always been. You know that.” 

A mischievous grin curls up on Steve’s lips. “You gotta win her back, man.”

“How? I wouldn’t have any idea on how to start,” Tony sighs.

“You don’t have to worry about that, Stark. I’ll take care of that.” 

Steve smiles as he walks out of the office, leaving his poor, lovesick boss in confusion. As he sits down back at his desk, he can feel her eyes on him. There’s a misshapen paper airplane on his desk.

_I’m in serious need of espresso. Coffee run?_

She’s peeking at him above the walls of their cubicles, and he can barely control his smile. The innocent look in her eyes reminds him of when they were kids and used to get into fights. She’d shove him a little harder than he expected, or she’d say something meaner than he anticipated. Still, he would only pout for a minute before giving up and forgiving her. He can never stay mad at her, not even if he tried. 

Eventually, Steve stands up, picking up his wallet and shaking his head when he hears her giggling.

“I have no spine, I swear.”

She shrugs. “Works out for me, I always get free coffee.”

~

For a moment, she forgets that Steve is with Sharon. 

She forgets that his heart is with someone else, and for a while, it’s just her and Steve. The way it always has been, the way it  _should_ have been.

They don’t go to Starbucks—Steve claims he’s sick of the sugary stuff, he wants  _real_ coffee—and instead, they hit the local coffee shops. The aroma of the freshly brewed coffee brings back memories that make her heart heavy.

“ _Wake up. I mean it. Wake up!”_

 _“Steve, if you don’t get out of my face, I swear to fucking God, I_ will _punch you.”  
_

_“I have your coffee.”  
_

_She opens her eyes, trying to hide her smile. The two are in his dorm, and she’s “taking a break from studying.” She pulls the blanket over her face, curling up on the couch and closing her eyes again._

_“Wake me in five minutes.”  
_

_Before she knows it, Steve’s weight is now on top of hers, and she can feel his arms wrapping around her. He’s chuckling now, gripping her tight and forcing her to sit up straight. Her face peeks out from the blankets, and her nose is nearly touching Steve’s now. Her heart stops when his soft blue eyes are level with hers._

_“Take the coffee, you have an exam to study for.”_

_She can feel the air from his breathing, and the fact that she’s so close him brings goosebumps to her skin. Before she can respond, Steve moves away, leaning to the table to give her the cup._

_“Thanks.”_

_She slowly takes a sip, stifling a giggle when Steve curls up on the couch with her. He adjusts the blanket over both of their shoulders and goes back to his history book. Before she can stop herself, she’s leaning against him, curling up on his arm. She can’t see it, but he’s smiling._

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?”

 _Fuck._  

“Yeah, sure.”

“I think we should get Tony and Pepper back together.”

Oh. So it wasn’t about her.

“What are you talking about?”

“I was talking to Tony today, I brought up the conversation you guys had about Pepper,” Steve explains eagerly, “and you were right. He wants Pepper back, and I think we need to get them together again.”

She smirks. “What made you change your mind? You gave me a look when I started talking about people being meant to be together.”

“It doesn’t matter, alright?” He’s blushing now. “Do you want them to get back together or not?”

It’s so pure, the excitement on Steve’s face. He’s smiling, eyes sparkling with anticipation. How is she ever going to say no?

“Alright, fine.”

And it’s fine. It’s fine that she’s going to be thinking of ways to get her bosses together. It’s completely fine that she’s going to spend more time with him, planning romantic dates and ideas…all for someone else.

It’s fine, because that’s what best friends do, right?


	3. Chapter 3

She probably shouldn’t have agreed to play matchmaker with Steve. In the moment, it seemed like a fun thing to do, and she was practically the definition of a hopeless romantic. Still, hindsight is better than foresight. Everything about her life is a goddamn cliche, because now Steve’s coming to the apartment in an hour and she’s trying to figure out what to wear. Yes, she’s trying to figure out what kind of casual clothing to wear in anticipation for her the guy she’s been in love with since they were in college.

It’s ridiculous, but she’s pacing her apartment, trying to decide between what college sweatshirt she should wear when Steve finally arrives. It finally dawns on her to find how much clothing she’s stolen from him over the years. Steve’s old jerseys and sweatshirts are scattered along with the mess of her entire wardrobe.

She shouldn’t be freaking out, because they’re childhood friends and they’ve experienced every embarrassing memory imaginable. She shouldn’t be freaking out because Steve has crashed in her room many times in her life, but somehow, it’s different. It’s different because he has a goddamn  _girlfriend_ now, but he still insists that he come over to plan their matchmaking.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Hey, it’s me!”

Fuck, that boy was never late.

“Gimme a sec, Steve!

She shoves some clothing back into the closet and kicks whatever doesn’t fit under the bed. After finally settling on an old Loyola sweatshirt, she opens the door to find her best friend holding two boxes of pizza, a generous amount of Chinese takeout, and a case of beer. He laughs heartily when she rolls her eyes.

"You’re skeptical now, but I know you’ll be thankful for this,” Steve says as he sets down the food. “You never cook. You should be glad I brought something for us to eat.”

“Hey! I cook!”

He raises his eyebrows. “Boiling water for pasta noodles and throwing sauce on it is not real cooking. You have yet to cook like a grown up.”

She glares at him as she takes a slice of pizza. “Shut up, Rogers.”

Suddenly, she feels twenty years old again, and it’s another Friday night in her dorm. It’s so comfortable and easy with him, and she has to contain her laughter when she sees him scarfing down lo mein. They’ve got old sitcoms playing on the TV, he’s propped up on the couch with his feet in her lap, but suddenly, it hurts.

It hurts that she doesn’t get to do this every night, that this is only happening because they’re trying to get their bosses together. It hurts to remember that on any other night, he’s going home to Sharon and curling up on the couch and eating Chinese takeout with her, too.

She’s trying not to let it get to her. She forces a smile as Steve’s face lights up while talking about ways to get Tony and Pepper together. If it’s going to make him happy and keep their friendship alive, she might as well go along with it. Better than the alternative.

“Okay, you’re Tony’s right hand man now,” Steve explains, “whatever meetings or approvals he needs, you gotta be on top of it, right?”

She nods absentmindedly. Steve’s brows furrow together.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine, Steve.”

He pokes her with his chopsticks. “You’re lying, and you suck at it.”

She shoves him a little, trying not to smile. “Get on with the plan, loverboy.”

“Anyways, I work more with Pepper these days, but I still have connections with Tony, too. For this to work, we need to get them together without being too obvious.”

She scoffs. “All this sneaking around seems too complicated. I think it would be really cute and romantic if there were really big gestures.”

“You can’t start out with really being romantic gestures, it’s going to make Tony freak out, you know how he gets about Pepper.”

“I know, but romantic gestures are sweet,” she says, “it’ll prove how much Tony still cares about her.”

“You watch too many rom coms,” Steve says with a sigh, returning to his lo mein. “That’s not how it always works, you know.”

“Hey, it worked for Charlie, and now he’s with Harper. I want to be like Harper and snag my own Charlie.”

“You don’t need a Charlie.” He can feel his face getting red now,  _shit_. “He was a good guy but like, only at the ending. He said all that sappy shit and that’s how he got Harper. He got lucky.”

“You actually watched Set it Up! I never thought you would! Also, how dare you talk shit about my man. That’s rude.” She hopes for a smile from the blond, but he’s picking at the lo mein instead, silent.

He shrugs, silently wishing and praying that the warmth on his cheeks will disappear soon. “I’m just  _saying_ , it doesn’t work like rom coms. Not everyone is going to be a Charlie, which is why we need to start small with Tony.”

She smirks, leaning against him in hopes to coax out a smile. “So serious all of a sudden.”

“Shut up and eat your food.”

She giggles, wrapping an arm around him. “Great to have you back here yelling at me. It wouldn’t feel like the good old days unless you were yelling at me to finish pizza.”

Finally, he laughs, and she feels a bit of relief. It’s odd whenever Steve becomes solemn like that. However, his brows are still furrowed together, and for the first time in years, she can’t read into what he could be thinking. She nudges him a little, handing him a beer.

“But seriously, thanks for the food. I haven’t had anything other than freezer food and ramen in about a week. Don’t know where I’d be without you.”

He puts his arm around her too, and she sighs, leaning against him. She knows she shouldn’t be doing this, practically cuddling with the guy who has a girlfriend, but she doesn’t care. Steve doesn’t seem to care either because he’s bringing a blanket over them, adjusting himself so that she’s comfortable as she lays against his chest. Her eyes are growing heavy now, and the combination of eating and curling up next to Steve makes her drowsy.

“Steve?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

He chuckles. “I know I’m pretty spectacular, but why are you thanking me?”

“For being my person.”

He’s silent for a minute, and suddenly he remembers Sharon. Guilt sinks into his stomach for a moment, but when he looks at her, eyes fluttering to a close and pressed  against him, he forgets about anyone else.

Steve squeezes her a little tighter, smiling when he earns a squeak and a giggle from her. “Anything for you.”

She doesn’t say anything more, her heart is about to burst because she loves this boy so damn much. It’s pathetic and ridiculous to continue pining, but honestly, she could care less. Even if she was always going to be the best friend, at least she gets to be held like this every once in a while. Steve was always going to be her person, even if she wasn’t his.

~

The following Monday at work, Steve is practically bouncing off the walls to start their plans. As the matchmakers sit at their desks, Steve is eagerly tapping his pen on the desk, waiting for Pepper to arrive. She’s trying to focus, but all she can think about is her weekend with Steve.

They had fallen asleep on her couch, and she was startled to find herself nestled against Steve with her arm draped over his chest. Both his arms were wrapped around her too, and her heart nearly burst to feel Steve’s grip tighten the first time she tried leave the couch. He didn’t wake up right away, so she continued to lay against him, trying to steady her heartbeat while failing miserably.

It’s impossible not to fall so hopelessly in love with him, not with the way he insists on making breakfast for her soon after they wake. Not with the way he insists they go grocery shopping before sitting on the couch again, and certainly not with the way he makes her favorite breakfast food while watching her telenovelas.

He’s prince charming, and yet…not hers.

And now, it’s weird because he still shoots her goofy looks every once in a while, or sometimes shoots over another perfectly made paper airplane. It’s like they’re in high school again, and he’s bugging her all day long until the day is finally over.

It should add up to Steve finally falling in love with her, right?

Nope. He still goes out to lunch with Sharon most days and she knows he’s sending her cute texts because she’ll see Sharon blushing at the desk. She hated it; paperwork is  _definitely_ not that interesting.

While she’s silently grumbling, Pepper finally arrives, greeting everyone before entering her office. Tony trails behind, and Steve motions for her to follow her boss while he goes to follow Pepper. Steve winks before heading into Pepper’s office, and she sighs.

She has  _got_ to stop being in love with him.

She’s about to enter Tony’s office, still remembering the smell of Steve’s shirt, and she’s so caught up in her mind that she bumps into someone. The files in her arms scatter in front of her, and she can feel her face burning.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” She leans down, hurriedly picking up the papers. The man crouches down with her, smiling as their eyes finally meet.

His blue eyes are soft and inviting, and she can’t help but return a smile as well. He helps in collecting her files, and he offers a hand.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” he says, and  _goddamn_ , his voice is gentle and soothing. She barely knows him but she’s already melting.

“I’m new,” she stutters, “I, uh…I’m an engineer working with Mr. Stark and his product designs.”

“An engineer, isn’t that something,” He’s beaming at her, and she nearly falls to the ground to see his heartwarming smile.

“I sure hope it is something, I worked my ass off for six years trying to get here.” She doesn’t mean to sound cocky, but she knows the man is impressed. God, it’s been two minutes of literally running into him, but she can feel herself staring a little too long at that jawline.

His voice brings her back to reality. “It’s nice to meet you. My name is James, but my friends call me Bucky.”

She raises her brow, smiling. “Well, I’m Y/N. It was nice to meet you too, James.”

He winks—she’s surprised she’s even still standing at this point— and shakes her hand. “You can call me Bucky.”

Without another word, the brunet continues down the hall, turning over his shoulder to wave goodbye. She hears Tony chuckling, and she feels her heart stop when she remembers that Tony’s door is usually open.

“Good morning, Mr. Stark.”

“Seems like a  _very_ good morning for you.”

She laughs. “Honestly, I needed that.”

“Rough weekend?”

She hesitates, and the thought of Steve holding her all night flashes in her mind. Her heart wrenches a little bit, but she shakes it away. He’s with Sharon, not her. She’s allowed to like this new guy; she can’t mope over Steve forever.

“You can say that.”

~

When she returns to her desk, she’s delighted to find Bucky at reception, picking up the mail for his department. He inevitably makes his way to her desk, and she can only force herself to keep breathing when he walks near. She’s surprised to find that he’s bringing two coffee cups. He hands one to her before taking a sip of his own.

“Free coffee?”

Bucky shrugs. “I went out on my break, and I thought you’d like some, too.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Bucky smiles again, letting out a shaky laugh before taking a deep breath. “Listen, I hope I’m not being too forward but—”

And God, her heart is about to stop because—

“—I was wondering if you wanted to out with me sometime?” The smile has vanished from his face, and it’s actually pretty adorable to see this gorgeous man growing nervous about asking her out.

“Sure!” She sounds way,  _way_ too desperate, but she already opened her damn mouth. “I’ll, uh…I’ll let you know when I’m free.”

The dazzling grin returns, and again, her heart is melting. Bucky hurriedly scrawls a phone number and hands it to her before returning to his department down the hall. 

She quietly laughs to herself, still in disbelief about what just happened. She enters the number in her phone and sends a quick text to Bucky. The man responds almost instantly, and soon, she’s giddy like a teenager talking to her crush for the first time. 

“What are you smiling about?” The blond suddenly appears out of nowhere, eyebrows raised.

“Nothing.” Her phone continues going off, and Steve smirks, taking the phone. Her eyes widen, and she lunges at him.

“Steve, give my phone or I _swear—”_

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Steve looks curiously at her. “You have someone on your phone named Bucky?”

She huffs when she finally gets her phone back. “It’s his nickname, and don’t give me that look.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your disappointed look,” she grumbles, “you’re already judgmental about this guy and you don’t even know him.”

“Oh, forgive me for being skeptical,” Steve mutters. “I just don’t want this to end up like the last guy, alright?”

“You didn’t even  _try_ to like Anthony!” She exclaims, growing embarrassed when other coworkers start to stare. “Just…drop it, okay? I’m a big girl now, I’m fine.”

Steve frowns. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. You are my best friend, you know…I want you to be happy.” 

“I know, Steve, just…quit freaking out.”

Steve smiles, and she swears there’s a bit of sadness shining in his eyes. “So, what’s the lucky guy’s  _real_ name?”

“His name is James,” she says, growing excited, “his department is down the hall, actually.”

“I’d love to meet him sometime,” Steve suggests. “Get to know him a little bit.”

“You mean you can’t wait to interrogate him til he’s already running out the door,” she scoffs. “You’re worse than my dad.”

Before Steve can object, Tony and Pepper are leaving the building together. The engineer brings some extra files to Y/N’s desk; he can barely contain his smile. 

“Ms. Potts and I were scheduled for a meeting over lunch, so I was wondering if you could take a look at these designs for me,” Tony says with a wink.

“Of course, Mr. Stark. Enjoy your lunch.”

There’s a bit of a skip in Tony’s step now, and Pepper’s gentle laughter echoes as they leave Stark Tower. Steve peeks over the cubicle walls, raising his brows. He gives her a high five, and, briefly, everything feels normal again. 

~

For some reason, it hurts. 

It hurts Steve to see James—he refuses to use that ridiculous nickname—hanging around her desk. She’s so pretty when she smiles, it really does light up the room. He nearly snaps his pencil in half when James puts a hand on her shoulder and her laughter echoes around the office. Does this jackass not have any work to do?

He shouldn’t be hurt. Not when he has Sharon. He did this, he waited too long, he picked Sharon, and now, he isn’t allowed to be hurt. It’s not fair to her, it’s not fair to Sharon. 

So why does it hurt so much when they leave together after work?

Before he gets ready to take Sharon home, Tony stops by his desk. There is a huge grin on the man’s face, and Steve laughs.

“You guys had a really long lunch,” Steve points out, “I didn’t even realize you guys came back.”

“Pepper had to come back to get work to her interns, but I think she had a good time.” He gives Steve a knowing look. “Pretty interesting that Pepper and I were the only ones at this department head meeting you and Y/N scheduled.”

Steve smiles. “Guess it was just a lucky day for you, Stark.”

Tony leans in so that Sharon is out of earshot. “Where’s your girlfriend?”

The blonde can barely stop himself from rolling his eyes. “She went home with James. I think he’s from biomed or something. I don’t know and I  _really_ don’t care.”

Tony laughs and claps a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “To be young and in love.”

“I’m not!”

“See you tomorrow, kid.”

It’s quiet as he’s taking Sharon home; well, he’s quiet. Sharon goes on about her day, but he can’t quite hear her. All he can think about is Y/N’s laughter, the way she touched his arm as they were leaving the building. She was just touching his arm, but  _fuck,_ it’s making his blood boil.

But he’s not in love, he’s just being a good best friend. She barely knows the guy, and she’s dating him? What the hell is that?

He’s not in love with her. They’re just friends, and friends watch out for the other, especially if they’re about to date someone who’s completely wrong for them. 

Right?


	4. Chapter 4

There’s a knock on her door early that morning; she groans in response to see that it’s five thirty. She’s grumbling until she’s greeted by those dazzling blue eyes.

“B-Bucky!” She’s suddenly horrified by how she must look right now.

He’s holding up a small bouquet of daisies and a cup of coffee. “I hope I’m not disturbing you, doll. I know I just saw you last night, but I couldn’t resist.”

He’s somehow adorable and incredibly attractive at the same time, standing in her doorway in a sleek suit and a heart-wrenching smile on his face. Looking like  _that_ , well, he can disturb her any time he likes.

“I hope I’m not scaring you with how I look,” she says with a laugh. “I don’t usually look this…horrible.”

Bucky leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. “I don’t mind at all. In fact, you’d be a pretty sight to wake up to.”

And  _goddamn_ , she’s melting into a puddle.

“You can come in if you like, I’m about to get ready for work anyway,” she says, slipping back into her room. With a sly smile, Bucky follows her in and shuts the door.

They’re both late for work that morning.

~

Steve checks his watch. She still hasn’t come in yet, and of course, neither has James. He’s trying not to let it get to him, but usually, she’s never late to work.

Now that she’s with James, a lot has changed between them.

Now listen, Steve tried his best to get along with James. He was probably a nice guy, but the way he always had a hand on Y/N like she was his property made his blood boil. She was always laughing at his jokes (which weren’t even that funny), and he had to stop himself from gagging when James fed her during a double date. What kind of corny bullshit is that?

But suddenly, she brings him a cup of coffee, his name written neatly with a smiley face; how on earth is he going to stay angry when she’s batting her lashes like that?

“I’m sorry I missed your text about the morning coffee run,” she says with a sheepish smile. “I, uh…I got caught up with something this morning.”

“Is  _something_ named James?”

She purses her lips together, trying not to giggle. “Steve, he’s so great. I know it’s only been a couple months now, but he’s so sweet.”

He feigns a smile. “I’m happy for you.”

It’s been two months and five days, to be exact. Not that he’s keeping track of her relationship or anything.

He’s fine. They’re best friends, after all.

~

Everything is perfect. Her first couple of months at the company have been very successful; although she’s the new girl, she never fails to impress her colleagues and her superiors.

Tony and Pepper are almost never seen apart at this point. Since the lunch she and Steve had set up, the two arrive and leave work together. Tony orders a new bouquet of flowers for Pepper every week. Pepper is often caught lingering in front of Tony’s office, laughing before returning to her own. Tony is absolutely enamored, and Pepper is never seen without a smile on her face now. Since the couple had been hitting it off so well, the matchmakers have been less involved in their love story. Being the hopeless romantic she is, she can’t get enough of seeing them together. She isn’t quite sure yet, but she can feel it—they were meant to be.

And of course, she’s finally dating again.

Bucky is perfect. It’s been a while since she’s had a boyfriend, and while she feels a little silly for falling so fast, she can’t help it. The man is a gentleman, sweet enough to rot her teeth, and well…those hypnotizing blue eyes only add to Bucky’s charm.

And it’s still perfect, as they’re driving home, and he’s holding her hand. The Chicago traffic is unparalleled, and usually being stuck in traffic irritated her, but with him? She could care less.

The brunet quickly presses his lips to her cheek. She’s melting into a puddle again; she has no idea how he does it. Giggles escape her mouth, and she stares into her hands, unable to speak as Bucky peppers her face with soft, feather-light kisses.

“What was that all about?”

He shrugs. “What, I can’t kiss my girl while we’re stuck in traffic?”

“I never said you couldn’t kiss me,” she murmurs, leaning in slowly. He hums as their lips finally meet, and his hand finds her hair, sending goosebumps up her spine. He’s smiling into her mouth now, and her heart is about to burst.

Cars honk behind them, and Bucky pulls away abruptly as he notices that the road is clear ahead of them. Blush extends to Bucky’s neck, and she can’t help but giggle when she sees her lipstick smudged on his lips.

So yeah, it’s pretty perfect these days. 

Sort of.

She hasn’t been seeing much of Steve lately. Before she ever started working at Stark Industries, she and Steve usually spent time together at least once a week, trying to squeeze the other into their busy lives. It was Steve’s idea, promising her on the night of their graduation that they were always going to stick together, no matter what. And that was how Thursday movie nights were born; a night full of food, bad movies, cheap drinks, and her best friend.

With their schedules being all over the place, the only time they ever see each other is at work. Even then, it was limited since they were busy managing their own work and overseeing the work for their bosses. As much as she loved her new job, she can’t deny how much she enjoys the weekends and getting a break from everything.

She misses Steve, but it’s different. It’s no longer accompanied with the horrible, sinking feeling of loneliness that she used to feel every time she looked at him. And for once, it feels good. It feels good not to have her heart broken every time she watches Steve and Sharon leaving work. She might actually be moving on.

~

Steve, on the other hand, is  _not_ moving on.

Okay, he’s probably being a jackass because yes, he’s with Sharon. He really likes her, too; she’s incredibly smart, caring, beautiful. When he does spend time with her, he forgets for a moment that his best friend is falling in love with someone else. When he isn’t with her, well…that’s a different story.

It’s not fair that he’s like this. He shouldn’t be missing her and wanting her, and yet…

It takes one smile, one giggle echoing across the office because of some stupid joke he made, and he’s a goner. He’s in love with his best friend, and it’s too late because she’s with someone else.

And now he’s drunk and alone on a Friday night, mindlessly drinking some awful beer at one of the local bars. His vision starts to blur as he pulls his phone out, ready to call Sharon to be picked up.

Should he call her? No, she’d be pissed and confused as to why he was drinking absurd amounts of beer all alone instead of going out with her tonight.

His finger hovers over Y/N’s contact number. She would know what to do. They’re best friends, and that’s what they’re supposed to do, right?

~

“Ah, shit, my phone. I—Bucky, can you hand it to me?”

He lets out a sigh, reaching over to the nightstand and handing her the phone. His lips are back on her neck, and she gasps slightly.

“ _Bucky_ , I—I need to see who’s calling me!” She sits up a little, and Bucky whines a little. She rolls her eyes and leans forward to kiss his forehead. “You’ll live, babe. I promise.”

The brunet pouts. “Fine, doll. But I want you back here with me, okay?”

“Be good ‘til I get back.”

She steps out of the room, and her heart races to see that Steve’s called and already left a voicemail.

 _“Hey, uh…it’s me. Listen, I’m on…fuck, where am I? It’s that bar on Madison, you know, the one with the really good fries? I can’t drive—well, I_ can  _drive, you remember when I got my license and I drove you to Navy Pier that day after we came home from the DMV—anyways I’m way too fucking drunk to drive…Sharon would be…well, she wouldn’t be happy if I called her like this. I know you’re really busy and probably with James, or whatever, but I need you. I need you to help me, I need you here, please. And oh! It’s the Tavern, uh…Clint’s Tarvern? I have no idea, just…I’m here. Sorry. Oh yeah, this is Steve. Yeah. Call me back.”_

~

Steve is slumped over in the bar, fast asleep. She grumbles to herself as she pays his tab and drags the blond into her car. He’s drowsy for a moment, but he’s finally awake, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

“You came.”

“Of course, I did, you idiot.”

He smiles. “Thanks. You really are my best friend, you know that? You’re my person. I love you.”

Her heart stops. Every muscle in her body tenses up, her eyes lose focus on the road. 

_What the hell did he just say?_

She nearly runs a red light in the process, slamming the breaks so hard that Steve nearly breaks his nose on the dashboard. Steve blinks in surprise, looking curiously at her.

“Are you okay?” The puppy dog look in his eyes tugs on her heart, and shit, he looks so adorable with those golden strands disheveled, almost the way he looked when he held her in his arms all night—

“I’m fine,” she chokes out, “Uh, drink some water. You need water. I have water in the glove compartment, I think.”

Once they’re back at the apartment, she helps Steve into bed, rummaging through his closet to find him clothes that don’t reek of alcohol. He gives a sleepy smile as she helps him, leaning in close to her.

“I miss you,” he slurs, holding her hand. “We never just…hang out, you and me.”

“We’ve been busy, you know that, Steve.” She pulls her hand away immediately, and Steve frowns.

“What is your problem?” Steve stands up now, nearly falling over in the process.

“Steve, just lay down.” She gently leads him back to bed, pulling clean sheets over him. “If you don’t sleep now, you’ll feel terrible tomorrow just—”

Steve takes her by the waist, dragging her to bed with him. She’s breathless now, her forehead pressed against his. He smiles, the same dazzling smile that has broken several hearts including her own, and she just melts.

“Stay with me,” he whispers, closing his eyes now. “I miss you, you know. You’re always with that James guy.”

Bucky. Shit.

“I need to go.” She’s trembling now, trying to steady her breathing. “I, uh…I’ll call you tomorrow to check on you, okay?”

Steve frowns. “Don’t I matter to you anymore?”

“…what?”

“It’s like you don’t even fucking care about me anymore!” Steve sighs, throwing his hands in the air. “You get a boyfriend and suddenly you don’t give a shit about your best friend!”

“You need to get to bed.” She’s gritting her teeth now. “You’re drunk, Steve.”

“What happened to sticking together no matter what? What happened to you being my person? My best friend wouldn’t leave me like this. My best friend would stay when I needed her.”

“Steve…”

“Just leave. Not like you give a damn about me anyway. Have fun with James, Bucky, or whatever the hell he’s calling himself tonight.”

She turns around, knowing that if she argued back, she’d hate herself for it. It doesn’t matter what she thinks, not if what she’s going to say is going to ruin their friendship.

She’s about to walk away now, but he touches her hand before she leaves his room. “You used to say that you loved me all the time. When we were in high school, all the way until graduation. Now, you never say it. Why don’t you love me anymore?”

His words are like knives in her chest. 

She was fine. This morning, the past two months, she was fine. She wasn’t hurting over him like she was before, and now, it’s like needles are her in lungs.

She shouldn’t say it—he’s drunk and won’t even remember by tomorrow. Still, all the pain of watching him go home with girls, all the confusion that came with his words of affection even while he had girlfriends, it’s all making her head spin.

_“Ask Sharon.”_


	5. chapter 5

The morning after.

Steve wakes up with a head-splitting hangover, but nothing feels worse than remembering what happened the night before. He sits up slowly, noticing the glass of water and aspirin left on the nightstand. Even when he’s acting like an idiot, she still takes a moment to make sure he’ll be okay the next day.

There are parts of yesterday night he can recall. Seeing her in her favorite pink dress at the bar, the way her perfume smelled when she was getting him to bed. Their foreheads were touching, and her lips were so close to his. He could never forget that, even after drinking all night.

He remembers the heartbroken look in her eyes. Her words echo in his mind.

_“Ask Sharon.”_

Fuck.

~

The morning after.

She’s laying in bed, trying to fall back asleep. Bucky wrap around her a little tighter, and she smiles.

“I didn’t know you were awake.”

He leans down, pressing his lips to her forehead. “I can tell when you’re awake, you know. You’re always fiddling with the ends of your hair.”

“Sorry.”

His brows furrow together in worry. “You okay, doll?”

She nods quietly and sighs, draping her arms over Bucky’s chest. She’s silent again, and though Bucky still worries, he doesn’t say anything else. He squeezes her a little, hoping to elicit another wonderful smile from her—it always works.

And finally, she can’t help but giggle in response. Still, her heart is heavy from last night. Three words play repeatedly in her mind, and sure, Steve was drunk, but he said them.

He loves her. But did he really love her? What kind of love did he mean?

_“Why don’t you love me anymore?”_

And it hurts  _again_ , the knives are back in her lungs, she can barely breathe. The pain somehow feels worse, in a way she didn’t think possible because she was supposed to be feeling better. She was supposed to be feeling  _happy_ , sleeping soundly in Bucky’s arms all night. Even when she wants to move on, Steve is always there, and soon enough, the guilt is too much to bear. She’s trying to steady her breathing, trying to stop the threatening tears that are about to fall but failing miserably. Bucky’s eyes widen as he hears her sniffling into his shirt.

“Hey love, what’s wrong?” Bucky freezes when he hears himself.  _Shit_. “I—what happened?”

She immediately sits up. “What did you say?”

“I—I just asked what was wrong.” Blush is rising to his ears now, and he knows he can’t take it back anymore. “It slipped out, I’m sorry…I called you love.”

“Bucky…”

“It’s okay,” Bucky says with a sheepish smile. “I, uh…I know I surprised you. I know it’s only been a couple of months but…I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Her head is spinning now, and before she can stop herself, her lips are crashing into his. Bucky falls back against the pillows, sighing softly as her fingers run through his hair. It’s hasty and reckless, she knows. She knows rushing into this won’t just hurt her; it’ll hurt Bucky, too.

But she deserves to be happy. She wants to be happy without Steve; she’s been aching for this for far too long. It’s wonderful with Bucky, seeing him with sleepy eyes and messy hair, feeling his soft lips against her own. She breaks away from him, mustering up the courage to finally say it.

“I…I think I’m falling in love with you, too.”

He laughs gently, almost in disbelief. “And here I was, scared out of my mind that you’d freak out and run.”

“Don’t you worry, I’m terrified,” she admits, “but I haven’t felt this way in a long time.”

“I’m glad.” He presses a soft kiss on her cheek. “You deserve to happy, and I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure of it.”

Shit. She doesn’t deserve him at all.

~

Monday at work.

Steve can’t focus at all during the morning staff meeting. It’s mostly Pepper and Tony speaking, and Y/N sitting next to the couple and occasionally explaining whatever design came up next. Her eyes meet Steve’s every once a while, only to immediately shift back to her files. His stomach twists when he notices that her eyes are shining with tears. She’s the first to leave the briefing room, and she doesn’t bother to look up from the cubicle walls to talk to him like she had before. 

As he’s lost in his daydreaming, she starts answering calls. He can’t help but smile to himself, knowing that she’s using a different tone when she answers calls. He used to tease her about it, and now, he’s aching for a simple hello from her. 

Her voice—it’s just  _happy._ She always sounds like she’s about to laugh, and on the phone, he always knows when she’s smiling. He misses it. He misses her.

“Hey, Steve?”

The blond nearly falls out of his chair when she calls his name. He clears his throat, adjusting his suit jacket before standing up to look at her. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Tony called you to his office. He said he needed the files on the new reactor prototypes.” She fidgets with the phone cord in front of her, trying to avoid his eyes. His heart falls.

“I’ll head on over,” he replies, “did you need me to bring anything to him?”

She shakes her head. “If he needs something, I’ll go there myself.”

“Y/N…”

She stands up with her own paperwork, still avoiding his gaze. “I actually have to bring this to Pepper.”

“Listen, c’mon, just—” he leans forward, trying to stop her from walk past him, but she shoves his hand away.

“Steve, please. I need to work.” Her voice cracks a little, and she’s staring at the ground now. He sighs and lets her go.

It’s a terrible Monday at work.

~

“Doll, are you okay?”

She doesn’t even realize she’s poking at her food until she hears Bucky’s voice. He rests his hand on hers and squeezes.

“We don’t have to eat here,” he reassures her, “we can always take the food to go.”

She forces a smile. “No, it’s okay. I’m just a picky eater.”

“I’ve seen you eat an abnormal amounts of terrible takeout before. I don’t think you’re really picky, unless that Thai food was  _actually_ that good.”

“I guess I’m not super hungry right now.” She avoids his eyes.

“You can tell me when something is wrong, you know.” He brings her knuckles to his lips. “I want to be here for you, but you have to let me in. You’ve been quiet ever since that weird call you got last month.”

Steve’s call. Just the thought of him makes her stomach churn. 

“Bucky, really, it’s fine—”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.” He sighs. “You don’t have to pretend around me. I know you haven’t been so great lately, but I’m just reminding you that I’m here, okay?”

And she wants to believe him; she knows that Bucky always has good intentions. She trusts him and he trusts her, but it’s different. It’s been a month without Steve, and although she wants to stand her ground and live her life without him, she is fucking  _miserable._

The last time they fought was when they were juniors in college. She can’t even remember why they weren’t on speaking terms, but she definitely remembers the fall semester of her junior without her best friend. 

Steve loved phone calls. Texting was always fine, but he always called her and left voice mails if she wasn’t around. That fall, he left more messages that she could count. She always listened to them, even the message either drove her crazy or broke her heart, she listened to every single one. 

It’s been a month since the last time he left a voice mail. Whenever they’d argue, she’d be getting at least five voicemails a day. This time around, it’s radio silence. It hurts like hell.

She wonders if he’s hurting like hell, too.

~

_It’s nearly time for winter break; many of the university students have already left for vacation, but she’s still at school. She somehow had one last final to take before she was finally free._

_She found a cozy area in the library, secluded from the usual bustle of the library during finals week. It’s usually a good study spot, but she’s distracted. Snow is gently falling outside, beautifully dusting the city. It’s the first snow the city has seen this winter, and she’s stuck at school._

_Her stomach drops. Whenever the first snow of the season hits, she and Steve go iceskating and take ridiculous pictures by the Christmas tree in Millenium Park. They loved doing touristy things downtown, even though they’d grown up in the city their whole lives. It’s what they do. It’s what they_ did _._

_Her phone rings, and she answers it way too quickly for someone who’s supposed to be holding her ground._

_“Steve?”  
_

_“Hey, kid. Did you look outside?”  
_

_She smiles. “Yeah. It’s snowing, finally. Can you believe it?”_

_“It’s about time,” he says with a laugh, “This is Chicago. It’s supposed to start snowing in like, October.”  
_

_“So, where are you?”_

_He chuckles a little. “Uh…I’m waiting outside the library.”  
_

_“What? I thought you went back home. You’re done with finals already.”  
_

_“I know. You aren’t done, though. Now it’s snowing, and I want to go iceskating.”  
_

_“Meet me at Millenium in twenty minutes. I’m on my way.”  
_

_She thought making up would be awkward, that there would be some unspoken tension when she finally saw him. But it was easy with Steve; he always knew how to make things better._

_She’s running into his arms, gripping him so tight that he releases a breathy laugh before finally speaking up._

_“I’m sorry.”  
_

_“Yeah. I’m sorry, too.”  
_

_He rests his chin on her forehead. “You’re my best friend, you know that, right?”_

_She nods. “You’re mine, too.”_

_“I hate when we fight.”  
_

_Her throat is tight. “It fucking sucked.”_

_“I love you. You know that, too, right?”  
_

_She’s silent for a moment. He says it all the time, but she wants it to mean something more. It pains her to know that he only means it in a platonic way._

_Maybe it’s meant to be this way. They’re best friends, even though she’s in love with him._

_“Yeah, I know. I love you, too.”  
_

_He chuckles and looks down at her. “Promise me we’ll never fight like this ever again?”_

_“Promise.”  
_

Some promises break anyway.

~

Steve stays at work late one night, mindlessly entering data into the computer. He’s been behind on his work the past month, and now that his work is due by the following work day, he’s cramming to finish it all.

He’s surprised to find his mentor coming out of his office, looking just as tired. Tony raises his brow before checking his watch.

“Rogers, what are you still doing here?”

The blond can barely keeps his eyes open. “Finishing stuff for tomorrow. Don’t wanna disappoint at the morning briefing.”

Tony sighs. “You’re going home, Rogers. Get some rest, I’ll push the deadlines. Go home.”

“I’m almost done,” Steve insists, shuffling through the files on his desk, “I just need—it was a paper that she gave me and I fucking lost it—”

Papers are flying around the office now, and Steve continues his frantic search before Tony forces him to take a seat.

“Steve.  _Stop.”_

“She gave me a file last week and I already fucking lost it,” Steve repeats, shoving his keyboard away. “I lost it. I fucking lost it because I’m an idiot.”

“You mean Y/N? What the hell happened?”

Hearing her name is like a spear in his chest. He silently nods, picking up the files and returning them to their folders. “I, uh…she gave me files about the reactor updates a little while ago. I forgot what she’d asked me to do with them, I meant to ask her, but…well, you can see how well I’m doing with that situation.”

Tony sighs. “Whatever this is, you need to fix it. You can’t sit here all night and wish it were better.”

Steve frowns. “What?”

“What happened to all that stuff you were saying about getting Pepper and I back together?” Tony runs a hand through his hair. “Listen, I‘ve been there. I know you think it’s helpless, but hey, so did I. I thought that I lost Pepper forever.”

“Stark, you know that Y/Nand I were just—”

“I know all about you trying to get us up.” Tony smirks when Steve stiffens. “But that’s not the point. If it weren’t for you even saying anything that day, I might not have even gone on that lunch meeting with Pepper. You talk about that girl all the damn time, I know she’s more than your best friend, so cut that bullshit. She’s not gone. Not yet, at least. You have a chance Rogers, you know her better than anyone.”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

A mischievous smile grows on Tony’s face. “You don’t have to worry about that, Rogers.”

~

After the date with Bucky, they decide to head to her apartment early. Bucky insists on staying the night with her, just to make sure she’s okay, and of course, she can never say no. 

And so she’s in bed with the brunet, her hands in his hair while he gently snores. He’s always the first to fall asleep whenever he spends the night. Usually, it’s adorable, but she’s aching for her best friend.

She still can’t fall asleep, and she fixes herself a cup of tea in hopes to soothe her nerves. Rarely does she drink tea; Steve bought her the stuff, insisting that she can’t run on coffee forever. Everything reminds her of him.

There’s a knock on her door. She freezes, debating if she should wake Bucky in case there was real danger. The knocking continues, a little more rapidly. She has no idea what posesses her to open the door, but she nearly falls to the ground when she sees him. 

“ _Steve_?”


	6. Chapter 6

“Steve?” 

He smiles, leaning against the door frame. “Hey.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” She hisses, joining him in the hallway. “It’s the middle of the night!”

“I came by from work, actually.” Steve isn’t smiling anymore. “Can I just talk to you, please?”

“You couldn’t wait a few hours to just call me?”

“This is important, okay?” He sighs. “I didn’t want to call you or wait anymore. It sucks that we’re fighting, and I hate it.”

She feels nauseated when she remembers the night at the bar last month. She wants to hate him, but how on earth is she going to hate those pleading blue eyes?

“I hate it, too.” She steps towards him, reaching out to his hand before retreating slightly. “But Steve, I just…I can’t deal with this right now.”

He frowns. “Please, just let me explain, Y/N. I just need—”

“You need to leave.” She chokes on her words a little, and she despises the fact that she can feel tears stinging her eyes. 

Steve sighs again. “I’m sorry, you know. I miss you, and I’m sorry.”

It’s silent. She fiddles with her bathrobe a little, blinking back tears. He can’t stop looking at her even though the sight is ripping right through his heart; he’s aching, silently begging for her to say something. 

She can only nod, still avoiding his eyes. “Goodnight, Steve.”

She closes the door before he can object, trying to take a deep breath. Her throat is so tight, it’s a struggle to find air; she hates the fact that seeing Steve still has this pathetic effect on her. 

She’s surprised to find Bucky leaning against the bedroom door frame. 

“Everything alright?” His brows are furrowed together in concern. “Who was at the door?”

She’s still quiet, taking his hand and leading him back to bed. Her eyes are still red from her tears, and Bucky can’t take the silence anymore.

“Something happened. With you and Steve, right?”

She freezes. “What do you mean?”

He sighs, putting his arms around her. “I know you guys used to be close. I just…with the way you’ve been acting lately and how you and Steve don’t seem to talk anymore, I just thought…I don’t know. I know something’s wrong and I want to make it better.”

She’s panicking a little now. What the hell is she supposed to say to that?

_Oh, yeah. I used to be in love with my best friend, but we don’t talk anymore after he got drunk and asked me why I didn’t love him._

“I’ll be okay.” She smiles, leaning in and kisses his cheek. “Thank you for worrying about me.”

He isn’t smiling. “I want to be here for you. If you don’t let me in, this isn’t going to work, doll.”

She takes a deep breath and sighs. “Steve was my best friend. I’ve known him for my entire life. We just…we got into a fight, and he came here to try and apologize. I didn’t want to hear it.”

“What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She avoids his eyes, instead just curling up against his chest. “I don’t need him in my life.”

Even as the words tumble out of her mouth, she can feel another dagger in her chest. 

But it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need him. (At least that’s what she tells herself as she lays against Bucky’s chest, trying to push away the image of any blond boys she’d been in love with before.)

* * *

Back at the apartment, Steve is surprised to find Sharon on the couch, arms crossed. 

“I thought you were still asleep.”

She purses her lips together. “I thought you were, too. Where were you?”

“Let’s just go to bed, please?” He leans down to her on the couch, but she turns her head as he tries to reach her lips.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” She’s standing up now, sighing in exasperation. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you this past month, but Steve, I—we can’t do this.”

Steve knows what’s coming. He knows exactly what’s going to happen, yet somehow, he feels nothing. A few months ago, seeing Sharon standing in the living room with her clothes shoved in a duffel bag would have taken the air from his lungs, shattered his soul. Today, he doesn’t even flinch.

He doesn’t stop her when she walks out the door.

“I’m sorry.” He isn’t chasing her down, but he stands out in the hallway as she’s heading for the elevator. “I, uh…I don’t have an excuse. I’ve been terrible to you, and I’m sorry.”

Sharon hesitates before turning around. “I know it’s about her. I tried to ignore it since she came to work at the company, but…you love her, don’t you?”

He can only nod and choke out another apology in response. 

Her eyes are watery, and  _God_ , he hates himself for yet another person in tears because of him. She’s painfully beautiful even when she’s sad, and though he wants to comfort her, he knows he can’t be the one to do that anymore.

“She’s not going to wait forever, Steve.” Sharon takes a deep breath before she takes one last look at the man who broke her heart. “If you love her, you have to prove it to her.”

And without another word, Sharon is gone. 

He’s alone.

* * *

Every day at work is absolute  _torture_ for Steve. 

It hurts more because she acts like nothing’s happened. Like they hadn’t known each other since childhood, like they hadn’t loved each other more while they were growing up. Like they hadn’t endured a life time of memories together. 

Instead, she greets him politely and addresses him normally during morning briefings and business calls. She says hello to him in the halls of the building, but she never lingers by the coffee maker with him like they had before. She doesn’t take her lunch at the same time as him anymore, and every night, she says goodnight as she walks hand in hand with  _James._

No more paper airplanes. No more runs to get coffee. 

He is  _broken_.

* * *

She’s faking it. 

Instead of trying to make things better, she tries to act like everything is normal. At least, some version of normal. 

After the drunk night, what she said to him about Sharon—

Nothing can really be normal.

He smiles back sometimes, but otherwise, the usually bright blue eyes are dull, tired. Her heart aches every once in a while, but it’s not her place anymore. 

It’s been several weeks since she said goodbye to one of the most important people in her life. She’s supposed to feel better, lighter—she only feels empty.

But it doesn’t matter.

She doesn’t need him.

* * *

She gets a call from Tony one morning. She freezes when he informs her and Steve to come to his office. Something important, he says. 

As the two strangers walk together to Tony’s office, it’s brutal. They don’t say much, absentmindedly bullshitting about the weather outside now that fall arrives in Chicago. The chill between them is much colder. 

Tony breaks the ice, smiling widely as he stands with Pepper in his office. His arm is wrapped around her waist, and Pepper looks giddy with excitement. 

“We have some news for you guys,” Tony begins, “we wanted you to be the first to know since you guys were scheming a few months ago…”

Suddenly, Steve and Y/N are laughing again like they used to. She gives him a sheepish look, lips turning up at the corners, and for a moment, Steve feels a little more like himself. 

“I don’t know if  _we_ made things happen,” Steve admits, “it was more of Y/N, honestly.”

She shrugs, trying not to smile. “It was just fate, Mr. Stark.”

Tony rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning, too. “Anyways, for the big news—”

Pepper holds up her hand, revealing a gorgeous diamond glittering on on her finger. Y/N squeals in delight, running over to the newly engaged couple and admiring Pepper’s ring. Tony winks at Steve.

“Congratulations!” Y/N exclaims. “When did this happen? And Miss Potts, I don’t mean to intrude, I know you have plenty of women who want to be your bridesmaids—”

“You can be one of the bridesmaids,” Pepper finishes, laughing as Y/N squeals once more. “And speaking of that, I was hoping to ask a favor of you and Steve.”

The excitement dulls a little as Y/N pulls away. Steve almost wishes he hadn’t seen her smile fall like that; it crushes him.

“We wanted you and Steve to help plan the wedding,” Tony says, “You know how my fiancée is busy running the entire company—”

“—and I want to make sure that  _my_ fiancé doesn’t make anyone cry in the process of planning this!” Pepper chuckles as Tony presses his lips to her cheek. 

Y/N heart is racing, but she forces a smile. “Of course, we’ll help plan the wedding. I’d be glad to help you get things ready!” 

Pepper and Y/N return to their squealing again, chattering away about the various details of the wedding. While they aren’t looking, and Steve pulls Tony aside for a moment. 

“Stark, what the hell?” 

Tony feigns innocence. “I knew you were the ones behind getting us together!”

“It’s not that,” Steve sighs, “Me and her, I—it’s really hard to explain, but—”

“I really want you to do this,” Tony insists, throwing an arm around the blond’s shoulder, “it’ll mean a lot to me.”

“Tony, it’s too complicated right now.”

The engineer frowns. “You really don’t want to do this?”

Steve glances over at Y/N, unable to contain his smile he sees hers. It’s impossible not to love her. Of course he wants a chance to be with her again. 

Finally, Steve chuckles. “Do I get a raise if I help you out?”

Tony winks again. “Pretty sure I’m helping  _you_ out, Rogers.”

* * *

They’re the last ones in the office now, and there’s an odd silence between them as they sit in the cubicles.

“Hey.” Her voice pulls Steve out of focusing on his paperwork. “We really did it.”

Steve peeks up from the cubicle walls. “Yeah, we did.”

She’s twirling a pencil in her hands, and he smiles fondly. Whenever she was overthinking, worrying too much about something, she was always twirling her pens and pencils around. 

_“You’re going to poke someone’s eye out one day.”_

_“Oh, shut up. You’ll be fine. The pencil’s dull anyway.”  
_

Memories of her haunt him constantly, even as he’s sitting across from her in the same room.

“You know, we don’t have to—”

“I want to,” Steve sighs, “Tony and Pepper asked, and we’re cool, right?”

She hesitates. “We’re cool?”

He shrugs. “You know I can never stay mad at you.”

(She hates that her heart skips a beat, and somehow the air in her lungs is gone.)

There’s a familiar grin on his face, one that she’s been secretly aching to see for months now, one that makes her heart swell in a way that it shouldn’t, one that gives her a glimmer of hope. Maybe she didn’t lose her best friend after all.

“I guess we’re cool.”

Because what’s more cool than planning a romantic wedding with the guy you used to be in love with?


	7. Chapter 7

“So, remind me why again we agreed to plan a wedding in just over month for our bosses?”

She laughs. “I’m hoping Tony gives me a raise after this.”

He chuckles in response, a warm and wonderful feeling after months of hell without his best friend. It almost feels normal again; he’s been aching for anything normal these days. 

They’re stuck at the office, another late night of planning the big day for Tony and Pepper. That night, their task is to get the seating arrangement just right. With so many guests attending the wedding, it’s hard to keep track of who can sit with who.

They’ve ordered plenty of takeout food tonight, and they happily munch on the Mexican cuisine. It was her choice, claiming that she was finally tired of eating Chinese takeout and craved something else.

“Geez, how often are you ordering takeout?” Steve’s smirking as he takes another bite of his burrito. 

She smiles sheepishly. “If Bucky isn’t cooking, I’m ordering takeout.”

Right.  _Bucky._

“You really need to learn how to cook,” he says, quickly changing the subject. He silently prays she won’t gush about Bucky tonight.

“Let me enjoy my takeout food in peace!” She tosses another nacho in her mouth, giggling as she makes a mess of the sauce on her face. 

God, he has  _got_ to stop being in love with her.

All he can do is smile and laugh, enjoying her company until her phone rings. Bucky’s name lights up her phone, and he swears there’s a frown on her face for a moment before she turns to him.

“I’m sorry, I have to take this.” She steps out of the main office to take the call into the hallway. He hates himself for it, but the walls are thin enough for him to hear her responses.

“I’m still at the office, honey…no, I’m not alone. Uh, Steve. Yeah, it’s Steve. Bucky, it’s for the wedding, that’s all. I’ll be home soon, I know it’s getting really late. I’m fine, he’s here. I’ll see you soon. I love you, too.”

_Fuck._

“I really should get going, Steve.” She gathers her belongings, but she can’t help but linger by his cubicle. “Thanks for getting the food and dealing with the seating situation.”

Steve forces a smile. “It’s no big deal. You make everything easier to deal with.”

“Oh. I guess that’s good.” She’s staring at her shoes now.

_Fuckfuckfuck-_

“I’m glad we’re planning this together. I’ll see you tomorrow, Steve.”

_Together._

She probably didn’t mean anything by that, but it’s all Steve can think about as he heads back home.

~

Back at the apartment, Bucky is already waiting on the couch for her. She plops down on the couch next to him, leaning against him as his arms wrap around her. 

“Hey, Buck.”

He presses his lips against her forehead. “Missed you. You were out late tonight.”

“I know. Steve and I have been so busy with the wedding stuff, I feel like I’m always at work.”

Bucky’s silent for a beat, and he only hugs her tighter in response. 

“Love me?”

“Course I do.” She returns a kiss to his cheek, but there’s a sinking feeling in her stomach.

_Why don’t you love me anymore?_

She pushes the thought away, stroking Bucky’s hair until he falls asleep. She doesn’t miss Steve, she doesn’t want him back in her life like that; she only needs Bucky.

_~_

Finally, their hard work pays off, and it’s the night of the wedding rehearsal. After a rather exhausting day of preparations, the rehearsal dinner gives the matchmakers a bit of a break before the big day. 

“I love rehearsal dinners,” Y/N says with a laugh. She sips her champagne, sighing in relief to see that the rehearsal dinner is going smoothly. After weeks of preparation, she and Steve finally get to breathe. 

Steve nods in agreement, absentmindedly picking at the food in front of him. He wants to enjoy the fruits of their labor, but his eyes flicker to Bucky, who sits alongside her. Steve shouldn’t be upset, shouldn’t be so fucking furious with a guy Y/N is happy with, but it’s all he can think about. 

It’s all he can think about until Y/N goes up to give a toast to the engaged couple, smiling brightly in front of everyone. She’s a heavenly sight, and his heart aches to see that her eyes immediately find Bucky instead of him.

“I just wanted to say something before the wedding tomorrow.” She stands up, looking upon the happy couple with misty eyes. “I wish you guys the best with your marriage. I see you two, and you are the embodiment of unconditional love. Despite what you’ve gone through, your past, you still made your way back to each other. I see the way you guys look at each other, and it might be cheesy but…it’s true love. I know I probably sound like a ridiculous and hopeless romantic, but…I guess I am. I wish you guys a wonderful and amazing marriage. To Pepper and Tony!”

Tony and Pepper are beaming at Y/N, unable to hide their smiles and teary eyes as they applaud her and raise their glasses. Bucky glances at Steve and smiles, opening his mouth to say something Steve can’t quite hear—probably something about helping with the wedding, saying thanks or whatever superficial conversation starter Bucky always tried to use. He hates listening to the guy speak, so he mumbles something in response before standing up and finding Y/N.

“Can I talk to you for a sec? It’s about the wedding tomorrow.”

She blinks in surprise. “Sure, Steve. I’ll be back, Bucky.”

Steve leads her out of the banquet hall. They sit near the edge of the staircase; she sighs in relief, massaging her aching feet.

“Heels fucking suck.” She hisses as she discovers blisters. “Just one more day of heels, just one more day…”

Steve laughs, shaking his head as she mutters to herself. “That was a really nice toast. Got everyone all misty-eyed in the banquet hall.”

“Yeah, that was the goal,” she says quietly, “I hope they enjoy their day tomorrow.”

“You did amazing.” He’s inching closer to her now. “You’re always amazing, you know.”

“Was there something you needed to tell me?” Her voice trembles slightly as Steve pushes closer and closer, but somehow, nothing compels her to move away. He smells like the same cologne he’d been using since they were in college, the same smell that used to make her heart race every single damn time she was around him.

“I missed you, Y/N,” he says quietly. He moves in, closing the gap between them and now—

They’re kissing. 

It’s an odd feeling at first. 

She’s wanted this for as long as she could remember, dreamed about the day Steve would finally kiss her, the day he would sweep her off her feet and they’d live happily ever after. It was going to be a story she would tell her kids, the story of how she never had to go out and meet the love of her life because they were best friends, grown up together. Her story with Steve was going to the best damn love story of all time, and one of the most important parts of that love story was their first kiss.

There are pages in her diary where she planned out the moment they would kiss, what she would do when his lips were finally on hers, how it would feel like a fairy tale, like the way Mia’s foot would pop when she kissed Nicholas. It was supposed to be a fairy tale kind of kiss, like Peter and Lara Jean, Charlie and Harper, princess and her prince Charming, it’s supposed to be special and perfect—

It’s not supposed to happen like this, not while she has a boyfriend right inside the banquet hall during a rehearsal dinner for her bosses. 

But Steve’s lips are on hers, and it’s almost like finally being able to breathe after years of pining over this stupid boy who’s broken her heart too many times to count. It feels so right, his lips are warm, perfect, his hands are in her hair and her skin is on fire but—

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Before she can think straight, she shoves Steve into a nearby coat closet, slamming the door quickly and looking up at him.

She pulls away abruptly, breathless and shaky. “I need to go. And-and you cannot tell  _anyone_ this happened.”

There’s an unmistakable grin on his face, and if this were just last year, she would have swooned and kissed him again. But the circumstances are different, and her stomach is twisting because she wants to kiss someone who isn’t Bucky.

She makes her way for the door, peering out a small crack first before stepping out, However, Steve shuts the door for a moment, leaning on the door. Pretty pink lips are dangerously close to hers again, and she kicks herself for not having any ounce of willpower against this man. 

“Steve, we have a wedding rehearsal,” she says calmly, “Tony and Pepper are waiting, we need to leave.”

“You planned the perfect wedding!” Steve takes her hand gently. “They don’t need us yet, we could stay in here a while.”

“This cannot happen!” She takes a step back again. “You and me, this isn’t going to work anymore. There’s a wedding tomorrow, and—Bucky.”

The smile on his face falls. “I missed you, you know.”

Her throat closes up, but still she steps away. “I need to go.”

“I miss you,” he repeats, “I miss seeing you on our days off. I miss eating junk food at nine in the morning because you have the worst eating habits in the world. I miss you and eating frozen pizzas, I miss the fact that you’re always stealing my sweaters, I miss overheating in your apartment because you always have the heat on even when it’s not that cold outside. I miss you, dammit.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Why are you doing this?”

"Don’t you get it? God, Y/N, you’re my best friend, my best friend in the entire world. That isn’t some bullshit or cliche, I mean it. There isn’t anyone else I want to see at the end of the day, no one else I want to lay on the couch with and eat terrible takeout food with while we watch the same old rom coms ‘cause you never get tired of them. I want you. I love you and missing you hurts like hell.”

“Steve—" 

"Listen to me, please. I’ve loved you for so long, I can’t remember a time that I didn’t and—”

She stiffens. “You don’t get to say that to me. Stop.”

He frowns. “What? I’ve always loved you, I have-”

“You can’t make me feel bad for trying to move on,” she insists, taking a step back from him. Tears are stinging her eyes, she can’t bear to look at him now, looking like an angel in his tuxedo. God, it’s not even the actual wedding yet, it’s just a rehearsal, but all she can think about is how she wants to kiss him again and-

“This was a mistake.” She can’t even breathe now. “I-I wanted to do something nice for Tony and Pepper, I thought I could do it, but you and me, I can’t do this. I can’t.”

Before she has the chance to leave the banquet hall, he grabs her hand. “Stop running away from me!”

She yanks her hand away from his grasp. “This isn’t going to work, Steve! You can’t just kiss me on the night before a wedding and expect me to run to you after years and years of watching you with other girls. God, Steve, you’ve been breaking my heart since I was fifteen, I just want to be  _happy_. I was almost happy.”

His heart shatters. “What?”

She laughs, but it’s bitter, cold. “You took Natasha to our first high school homecoming dance. I cried in the bathroom all night when you went with her and her friends instead of going to my house for old movies like you promised. On the night of senior prom, I didn’t see you the entire night. You said you would dance with me, making sure I got to feel like a princess. Maria got to feel like a princess instead. And don’t even get me started on your college flings. If you did love me, that was a screwed up way of showing me.”

“Those girls, they weren’t you.” He sighs. “I was- I was scared, okay? You were my best friend, I couldn’t lose you. I still don’t want to lose you; I love you.”

“I love Bucky.” The words come out of her mouth, but all she can hear in her mind is  _liar liar liar liar—_

Steve takes a stride toward her again, holding her chin and bringing her gaze to his. “Come on, doll. It’s always been you and me, it’s always supposed to be you and me—”

“This isn’t how it works!” She shoves him away, trying to find her voice again despite the horrible knot that forms in her throat now. Her chest is fucking  _aching,_ and as much as she feels for him, she despises the look on his face.

He looks perfect and helpless, gorgeous and absolutely pathetic, standing in front of her with sad eyes. It’s infuriating, how much she feels for him, how much she wants to just hug him, kiss him, run away with him; everything she’s felt for him as they were growing up just makes her blood boil. 

“You missed your chance. This isn’t a fairy tale Steve; you don’t get to have this happily ever after with me. It’s  _done.”_

She swings the door open, and she nearly falls to the ground when another pair of blue eyes greet her. 

_“Bucky.”_


End file.
